Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
