It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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