So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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