I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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