I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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