we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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