I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
