You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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