i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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