Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
