before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
