I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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