Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
