do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
