sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
