whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
