someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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