I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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