He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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