I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
