I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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