He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
