ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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