how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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