How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
