I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
