How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
