the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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