found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
