I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
