it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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