yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
