If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
