never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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