This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Send help, water and tortillas.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
