Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
