Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
