I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
