Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
