Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
