ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
