it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
