bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
