So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
