In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
