he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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