Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
