I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
