I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
