You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
