tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
