I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
